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What is It? March 14, 2009

Posted by claudemontgomery in Claude's Story.
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What do I think is happening to me?  Of course, there is a chance that my brain began playing tricks on me as I crossed into my forties.  Those of us who have enjoyed solid mental health most of our lives usually assume that we always will.  So if our world begins to radically change, it is tempting to look for explanations within the realm of what we already know.  Even if this means we have to stretch our idea of reality to contain what is happening to us.

But this is a big miraculous world.  So while loss of sanity is a quick, clean explanation – for third parties that is – it cannot be the only possibility.  There is the chance that what I feel when I lie down actually does exist in our physical world or in some other dimension.  Or, it may be my brain’s translation of some untranslatable vibration.  After all, the human system is designed to recognize finite types of vibrations such as light and sound.  How would we experience something outside of that range?  Perhaps for us, the experience would not exist at all.  Or maybe it would exist as a variation of something for which our mind already has a template, such as the feeling of wind or water on our skin.

If you were born without sight, this would mean that you don’t have the capacity to translate light into what most of us know as the sight experience.  It would not mean that light does not exist.  It would simply mean that you wouldn’t experience light as others with sight do.  If you asked someone to explain vision to you, they may use words such as “bright” and “colorful”.  But these words would be meaningless to you.  Each word chosen would require further explanation but ultimately you would find words to be an inadequate way to learn about the experience of sight.  It would be the same with any of our senses.

Fortunately for me, there has been much said and written about what may be happening to me.  For this (and the internet) I am grateful.  This collection of information is diverse, continually growing and extremely confusing.  But it offers the hope for me to someday understand this very beautiful and amazing phenomenon – and perhaps fulfill its purpose.  While it may sound a bit dramatic, some days I feel like a man who has gained sight while living in a blind world.

Mystical Answers

It is difficult to discuss my experiences without at least detouring into the territory of the spiritual and/or the supernatural.  I have only shared this part of my life with a few people, and each of them quickly turned the topic to the spirit world (dead people and ghosts) or spiritual awakenings.  Initially I had an aversion to this.  But eventually, I realized that unless I was prepared to accept my madness and check into a mental institution, I would need to become comfortable exploring all options.

One stumbling block that I encountered early in my quest was cultural boundaries.  Much of the information on spiritual or mystical topics is enveloped by the culture or religion within which the information is presented.  My mind was so easily distracted by these differences, that often I was not open to seeing obvious truths.  I was not prepared to identify myself with these different groups, so I rejected much of the information that they offered.

Having distanced myself from organized religion years ago, I found myself tensing up anytime I read doctrine that I didn’t fully accept.  It was only later that I began to understand that what I considered as my “identity” was only an elaborate group of limitations that I had designed for myself.  But I will save that topic for a later post.  I had to begin to allow others to have their beliefs while I found my own unique beliefs.  This is still a challenge for me sometimes but I have opened up enough to feel as if answers are on the horizon.

The “K”

One word that came up early in my rapid-fire internet search sessions was “Kundalini.”  It was odd and exotic sounding, a word that was outside of my cultural experience from the beginning.  As I started to read about the story of a snake coiled three and one half times around the base of the spine, I was reminded of ancient Greek mythology.  At that time, I was more likely to accept insanity as an explanation for my condition.  I won’t go into the whole explanation of Kundalini because I don’t wish to reinvent the wheel.  But I will provide a link at the end of this post for those that want more.

I continued to research this term and found one after another discussion groups on Yahoo.  There was one group that was heavily moderated that had a highly intellectual flavor that spoke of the intricacies of topics such as Taoism and Dualism.  Another group was very loosely organized and included people from all religions who claimed to be experiencing this phenomenon called Kundalini.  The common thread was that all felt this moving energy and most were undergoing dramatic changes in their thinking. 

I never really found a text or a group that was able to contain a full explanation or definition of what is happening with me.  Everyone’s experience in this arena seems to be unique.  But I do believe the phenomenon of “Kundalini Rising” (or just “K” for short) to be the closest term that describes this “sight experience” for me.  I also believe that there are terms in Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism and other religions that also offer explanations for this phenomenon.   I am convinced that the experience cannot be defined or contained within one religion.  Each may try to claim it as their own, but it does not belong to religion – it belongs to our world.

My favorite Kundalini web site is www.KundaliniAwakeningSystems1.com.  This site is hosted by “Chrism”, who I have found to be a wonderfully strange being.  At first blush, I was baffled by him and his writings.  But time has proven to me that this man is incredibly gifted and connected with something that I have not yet begun to understand.

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